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JARCE HITS OUT
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 HUGH JARCE POSING IN FRONT OF HIS AUSTIN METRO |
| Hugh Jarce, the controversial motoring pundit
turned columnist, lashed out today at the ' government food fascists' whom
he accuses of being 'nannies, namby pambies and pastry-faced girls desperate
to dictate our dietary requirements.' In an uncharacteristic outburst in his Sun column Bollocks, he fumed; 'If the police State is allowed to get away with what amounts to a blitzkreig of Nazi-style propaganda about what we can and cannot eat, we could all end up nibbling lettuce leaves and munching on raw carrots and other organic rubbish (which incidentally is grown in shit), until literally the cows come home. Personally I would like the cows to stay where they are, in the slaughterhouse, until they can be properly disposed of and fitted into a bun.' |
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WHAT A WAIST
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He continued, 'Health is all in the mind, as any food processing company will tell you. This government is complicit in a plot of Stalin-like proportions, designed to con the public into believing that eating burgers makes you fat. What nonsense! I myself eat burgers, chips, ice cream, marzipan, chocolate and lard, as well as drinking like a fish (which, incidentally, I also eat, but only if it is covered in thick batter, fried in beef dripping, and served with a generous portion of salt n' vinigar laced chips and a tub of microwaved mushy peas - Lovely!) - and clearly, as the whole world can see, I am a svelte Davidian figure, who still wears the same pair of jeans I bought forty years ago! ©2004 Guano Associated Press |